Unwell Season 5/Episode 3 - Flock

by Jessica Best

A little footwork (for two)
Things get shaken up
47,000 Aspen trees.

Listen to the episode here.

Content Advisories for this episode can be found here.

A Transcript for this episode can be found here.

Support Unwell and HartLife NFP on Patreon at www.patreon.com/hartlifenfp

This episode features: Clarisa Cherie Rios as Lily, Marsha Harman as Dot, Clint Worthington as Russel, and Ella Watts as the Documentary Narrator.

Written by Jessica Best, sound design by Ryan Schile, directed by Jeffrey Nils Gardner, theme music composed by Stephen Poon, assistant director Lauren Grace Thompson, recording engineer Mel Ruder, associate producer Ani Enghdahl, Theme performed by Stephen Poon, Lauren Kelly, Gunnar Jebsen, Travis Elfers, Mel Ruder, and Betsey Palmer, produced by haydée r. souffrant, Unwell lead sound designer Eli Hamada McIlveen, Executive Producers Eleanor Hyde and Jeffrey Nils Gardner, by HartLife NFP.

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INT. FENWOOD ATTIC.

FX: RAIN POUNDS THE ROOF, AND STREAMS THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW.

FX: THROUGH THE CLOSED DOOR, WE HEAR DOT AND RUSSELL’S

FOOTSTEPS UP THE STAIRS. THEY PAUSE AT THE DOOR.

DOT

Really can’t thank you enough.

RUSSELL

I mean it, Dot, don’t mention it.

DOT

I’ll bake you a whole bunch of

cookies, pick your poison.

RUSSELL

Don’t put yourself out on my

account, it’s no trouble.

DOT

Alright, I’ll buy you a whole bunch

of cookies. Oreos, Chips Ahoy, you

name it.

RUSSELL

At my store? Where I have access to

them all anyway?

DOT

Maybe I’ll just give you five

ninety-nine. That’s a good deal.

(Pause.)

Alright, that’s enough stalling.

Time to face this head on. If we

need a new roof, we need a new

roof. Chin up, eyes clear, assholes

firmly unclenched.

RUSSELL

Words to live by.

DOT

It’s on our family coat of arms.

FX: DOT WHISKS THE DOOR OPEN.

DOT (CONT’D)

Huh.

RUSSELL

Good news: it’s definitely not a

roof leak.

FX: DOT AND RUSSELL STEP FURTHER INTO THE ROOM. THE WINDOW IS

GUSHING WATER.

DOT

No, just some crazy old lady who

left the attic window open a crack.

RUSSELL

Dot, hey, look at me. It could

happen to anyone.

DOT

Anyone whose brain is being slowly

replaced by pond scum.

RUSSELL

People forget things all the time.

The other day, I lost my glasses.

Tore through my whole apartment

looking for them. Guess where they

were.

DOT

On your head.

RUSSELL

They were on my head, yes.

DOT

You’ve told me that story already.

RUSSELL

This is exactly what I’m talking

about. Your average person’s memory

is just not that good.

DOT

Average? Don’t sell yourself short,

Russell Epstein, you’re a prime

hunk of man-meat.

RUSSELL

(amused)

A little aged.

DOT

Just gives it flavor.

RUSSELL

See? You still remember how to make

a guy blush, that’s gotta count for

something.

FX: RUSSELL CROSSES TO THE WINDOW.

RUSSELL (CONT’D)

Now, let’s see if we can’t close

that window and save what we can of

the third floor ceiling.

FX: DOT FOLLOWS HIM.

DOT

Russ, how long are we gonna dance

around me and you?

RUSSELL

I thought you liked a little

footwork.

DOT

I don’t mind it, but life’s short

and there’s much more fun shit we

could be getting up to.

RUSSELL

I’m open to suggestions.

DOT

Well in that case, why don’t we

start with-

FX: A BIRD FLIES DIRECTLY INTO THE WINDOW-GLASS.

DOT (CONT’D)

Shit!

RUSSELL

What was that?

DOT

This goddamn bird keeps flying

right into the glass. Driving me

crazy.

(flatly)

Crazier, haha.

RUSSELL

Dot.

DOT

And I don’t know what to do because

the curtain’s closed, the curtain’s

always closed up here, and no

matter how many times that stupid

bird hits the window, it keeps

coming back for more!

(a beat)

Where were we. Things were just

getting interesting.

RUSSELL

Maybe another time would be better?

DOT

No, I’m good, I’m good. We were

talking about dancing-

RUSSELL

I was about to work up the courage

to tell you how I feel about you-

DOT

I was gonna suggest a little

horizontal tango-

(Dot registers what

Russell just said)

Wait, wait go back. You were about

to-?

RUSSELL

Dot Harper, I - shouldn’t we close

the window first?

DOT

Right, yeah, the water, hang on.

FX: DOT WRESTLES WITH THE WINDOW.

DOT (CONT’D)

(straining)

You were saying?

RUSSELL

Wow, it’s really stuck.

DOT

(straining)

I can see that, Russ. Continue.

RUSSELL

You are unlike anyone else I’ve

ever known. You make me-

FX: DOT IS STILL WRESTLING WITH THE WINDOW.

RUSSELL (CONT’D)

Are you certain you don’t want help

with that?

DOT

I can get it. You keep talking.

RUSSELL

You light up any room you’re in,

and I love...your spirit...are you

sure about the window?

DOT

Yes, I’m sure.

FX: THE BIRD HITS THE WINDOW AGAIN.

DOT (CONT’D)

Motherfucker!

RUSSELL

You’re so alive, all the time-

FX: DOT’S CELL PHONE RINGS.

DOT

Are you serious? Not you, Russ.

Hang on, that’s me, let me just -

THROW MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW!

FX: DOT’S CELL PHONE RINGS.

RUSSELL

(amused)

You’re not even gonna see who’s

calling?

DOT

No, I probably should, I-

(Dot looks at the screen.

She is very shaken.)

Uh. Actually, you know what, I need

to take this?

RUSSELL

Sure thing.

FX: DOT ACCEPTS THE CALL.

DOT

Hello?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Hey Dot, it’s Russell. I’m so

sorry, but with all the rain, I

think a cell tower was down or

something. Listen, I still want to

swing out there and come with you

to check on that leak, but I need

to cover for Phyllis.

Any time there’s rain, she drives

like an old lady. I can be there in

fifteen if that’s not too late?

DOT

Uh-huh?

RUSSELL

Dot?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Dot?

RUSSELL

Everything okay?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Everything okay?

DOT

(Deep breath)

Okay, this is simple. This is easy.

I need to ask you something that

only you would know.

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Hey Dot, what’s going on?

DOT

What was my first album?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

What?

DOT

The first album I ever owned. What

was it?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

I don’t - uh. Jackson Browne,

“Saturate Before Using”?

DOT

(keeping it together by

the skin of her teeth)

Hey. Can you hold for a sec?

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Sure thing.

DOT

You. Same question.

RUSSELL

Your first album?

DOT

My first album.

RUSSELL

Donny Osmond, “To You With Love,

Donny”.

DOT

Shit. Shit!

RUSSELL

Dot, could you please tell me

what’s going on?

DOT

You’re right. My Dad bought it for

me. He never really got my taste.

Like, Donny Osmond, such a

teenybopper, can you imagine anyone

less cool? I was so embarrassed.

RUSSELL

So I win?

(Lightly)

Do I get a prize?

DOT

I was so embarrassed that I never

told anyone. Except the house.

Except good old Mr. Hums.

(Pause)

Russell Epstein’s on the other

line. You wanna talk to him,

“Russell”?

RUSSELL

I- (GASP)

FX: RUSSELL EPSTEIN VANISHES.

FX: THE HOUSE GROANS AND CREAKS.

FX: RUSSELL EPSTEIN CAN BE HEAR DISTANTLY ON THE

CELL PHONE.

RUSSELL ON THE PHONE

Dot? Hey Dot?

FX: WE HEAR THE PHONE MORE CLEARLY AS DOT PUTS IT TO HER EAR.

Was I right? Jackson Browne?

FX: THE HOUSE SOUNDS ARE GETTING LOUDER AND WEIRDER. WHAT IT

KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE, IS THAT EVERY ROOM OF THE HOUSE HAS

GAINED SENTIENCE AND IS PACING.

DOT

(distantly)

Russ, I’m gonna have to call you

back.

FX: THE CALL ENDS. DOT THROWS HER PHONE TO THE GROUND.

DOT (CONT’D)

Motherfucker!

FX: THE HOUSE CREAKS SO LOUDLY AND DISTINCTLY THAT THE ATTIC

SHAKES.

DOT (CONT’D)

What the-

FX: THE HOUSE HEAVES A SIGH AND IS SILENT.

FX: RAIN IS STILL STREAMING IN THE WINDOW.

DOT (CONT’D)

Catfished by my own damn house.

Jesus fucking Christ. Okay Dottie,

let’s at least close this fucking

window. One, two -

FX: THE CELL PHONE RINGS, VIBRATING AGAINST THE FLOOR.

DOT (CONT’D)

For the love of God!

FX: DOT ACCEPTS THE CALL.

DOT (CONT’D)

Not NOW, Russ!

LILY (PHONE)

Mom?

DOT

Lily. Lilybelle. Uh. What’s the

first album I ever owned?

LILY (PHONE)

Bonnie Raitt?

DOT

(relieved) Good enough.

LILY (PHONE)

So, I got the tarps and I wanted to

ask if we have extra batteries for

the radio? I’m almost home but I

can stop by Russell’s -

DOT

Tons of ‘em, don’t worry about it.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom? What’s wrong? Are you fighting

with Russell?

DOT

No kid, nothing’s new. Just the

usual.

LILY (PHONE)

You don’t normally sound this

bummed about the usual.

DOT

Yeah. Hang on, I gotta put you down

while I close the goddamn attic

window.

FX: DOT PUTS LILY ON SPEAKER AND SETS THE PHONE ON THE

GROUND.

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Why’d you open it?

DOT

Good goddamn question. One, two,

three!

(struggling)

FX: THE BIRD SMACKS INTO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE AGAIN.

DOT (CONT’D)

(sound of surprise)

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Is the bird back?

DOT

Poor bastard’s so determined to get

in.

I’d say, ‘Maybe this house was

built over his favorite tree and he

remembers the fucking - days of

yore, but what’s a bird’s lifespan,

five years?

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

That’s assuming it’s a real bird,

and not a ghost. Or, you know, not

a ghost-ghost, but whatever we get

here instead.

DOT

(lost)

Yeah.

FX: A PAUSE. WATER IS STILL STREAMING IN THROUGH THE CRACK IN

THE WINDOW.

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Hey Mom, the window?

DOT

How do you feel about a little

water feature in the attic?

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Mom.

DOT

An indoor waterfall, very scenic.

Guests will come from all over the

Midwest to take their pictures next

to--

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Have you tried pushing it up and

then back down again?

DOT

(bluster)

Have I tried-

(realizing she has not, in

fact, tried)

Hang on!

FX: THE WINDOW SLIDES UP, WATER GUSHING IN.

DOT (CONT’D)

Phlegh! Agh! Blugh!

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Mom?

DOT

(shouting to be heard

above the water)

One sec, Lily!

(straining to close the

window)

FX: THE WINDOW SLAMS SHUT.

DOT (CONT’D)

Ha! I am woman, hear me roar!

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

You got it?

DOT

Hell yeah, I got it!

FX: THE BIRD, NOW INSIDE THE ATTIC, LETS OUT A TRILL.

DOT (CONT’D)

Uh.

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

It sounds like-

DOT

(overlapping)

It sounds like the bird is in the

house now, yeah.

LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)

Okay, Mom? Not a big deal. We had a

pigeon get loose in the weaving

studio once or twice. The first

thing you wanna do--

FX: DOT TURNS OFF SPEAKERPHONE AND HOLDS THE PHONE TO HER EAR

AGAIN.

DOT

I am not opening that damn window

again.

LILY (PHONE)

You don’t have to. The first thing

you want to do is get a box and a

towel.

FX: DOT CROSSES TO THE ATTIC DOOR.

DOT

Got it.

LILY (PHONE)

A clean towel.

DOT

What kind of operation do you think

I’m running here?

FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR AND STARTS DOWN THE STAIRS.

LILY (PHONE)

Try to keep the bird contained to

the room, if you can.

FX: FLAPPING BIRD WINGS.

DOT

...yeah, that ship has sailed.

LILY (PHONE)

It’s okay! It’s okay. So the first

step is just to tire the bird out a

little-

FX: DOT’S FEET HIT THE KITCHEN TILE. THE KITCHEN CLOCK TICKS.

DOT

Uh...

LILY (PHONE)

Mom? What’s going on?

FX: DOT WALKS ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR, THEN STOPS.

DOT

Nothing.

LILY (PHONE)

Did you fall down the stairs, are

you okay?

DOT

(scared but trying to

cover for it)

No, I’m fine, I’m fine.

(weakly)

Down the stairs? Don’t you think

there’d be more swearing?

LILY (PHONE)

Mom? You’re being really quiet, it-

FX: THE KITCHEN CAT CLOCK MEOWS.

LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)

It sounds like you’re in the

kitchen.

DOT

It does - it does sound that way,

doesn’t it?

LILY (PHONE)

You were just in the attic.

DOT

I thought I was in the attic.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom, I heard the rain. I heard the

bird hit the window.

DOT

Yeah, but that doesn’t make any

goddamn sense because-

LILY (PHONE)

What are you talking about? This

makes perfect sense? This is

Fenwood doing its thing. Its big

creepy house thing. Classic

Fenwood.

DOT

I have heard a lot, A LOT, of

stories about the things this house

can do. It can stretch rooms. It

can make sounds. It can, it can

show you ghosts. You know what I’ve

never heard about? Never once heard

about?

LILY (PHONE)

C’mon. People can be surprising,

right? Even people you’ve known a

really long time. Why can’t a house

have a few tricks up its sleeve?

DOT

Don’t baby me, Lily!

LILY (PHONE)

I’m not babying you. I am pointing

out what option works with what we

know. And in this case-

DOT

I opened the attic door. I walked

down one flight of stairs--

LILY (PHONE)

This is what I’m saying.

DOT

I can feel the kitchen floor under

my feet. I can feel it.

LILY (PHONE)

Because it’s there.

DOT

Losing time, that’s a symptom of

bad fucking brain whatevers.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom, I was here the whole time, you

didn’t wander off or anything.

DOT

I was trying to get to the third

floor linen closet.

LILY (PHONE)

And in other house, that wouldn’t

be a problem, but here-

DOT

How do we know? How do we know for

sure that this isn’t my whole mind

saying “well, smell ya later!” How

do I even know I’m really talking

to you right now? How do I know I’m

not just - sitting in my room in a

puddle of piss, babbling away to

myself?

LILY (PHONE)

You were lucid the whole time,

which was less than twenty seconds.

No offense, but you couldn’t have

made it from the attic to the

kitchen any normal way. You said it

yourself: whenever it rains, the

whole town gets a cold. Let’s just

say the house had a...hiccup.

DOT

Helluva hiccup.

LILY (PHONE)

You know what I mean. Mom, you

can’t live your whole life looking

over your shoulder, wondering

what’s real and what’s not. That

can’t be the new default.

DOT

Hmm.

FX: THE BIRD SINGS A BIRD CALL. DOT CROSSES THE KITCHEN

FLOOR.

DOT (CONT’D)

No, yeah, I haven’t forgotten about

you, you feathery little jerk. A

towel, you say?

LILY (PHONE)

A kitchen towel is fine. And you

should wash your hands if you can.

FX: THE SINK TURNS ON. DOT WASHES HER HANDS.

DOT

This is definitely the kitchen. I

mean, I think. How would I

hallucinate the feeling of water on

my hands? I can smell the soap. You

ever noticed how you never smell

stuff in dreams?

LILY (PHONE)

Yeah.

DOT

I don’t know if I smell stuff when

I lose my marbles. Try not to let

your jaw hit the floor, but I can’t

remember.

LILY (PHONE)

If you’re with-it enough to worry

that you’re out of it...

DOT

Lily, I really don’t wanna talk

about this.

LILY (PHONE)

Okay. The next thing you want to do

is chase the bird without freaking

it out.

No hitting it with a broom or

anything, the goal is just to get

the bird to perch, which is where

the box and the towel come in.

FX: THE BIRD SINGS A BIRD CALL.

LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)

And if you’re wondering if the bird

is real, I hear it too.

DOT

That’s exactly what you’d say if

you were--I still need a box.

LILY (PHONE)

There are boxes in the basement.

DOT

Right. C’mon birdie, let’s do this.

FX: DOT CROSSES TO THE STAIRS AND BEGINS TO JOG DOWN THEM.

THE BIRD FLIES AFTER HER.

DOT (CONT’D)

Wish me luck. Hey bird, this way,

and don’t even think of shitting on

me!

FX: DOT OPENS THE BASEMENT DOOR.

DOT (CONT’D)

Okay, no big deal--

FX: THE BIRD FLIES INTO THE ROOM AND DOT RUNS IN AFTER IT,

CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND HERSELF.

FX: THE OFFICE OVERHEARD FAN IS ON.

DOT (CONT’D)

Oh shit.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom?

DOT

The ceiling fan is on, hang on!

FX: THE BIRD MAKES A SOUND OF DISTRESS. DOT SWITCHES OFF THE

FAN.

LILY (PHONE)

There’s no overhead fan in the

basement.

DOT

Of course not.

LILY (PHONE)

Where are--?

DOT

Welcome to the office.

FX: THE BIRD MAKES A BIRD CALL.

DOT (CONT’D)

I still need that stupid fucking

box.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom?

DOT

C’mon, birdie. C’mon.

FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR, SHOOS THE BIRD THROUGH, THEN STEPS

THROUGH THE DOOR.

LILY (PHONE)

You should shut the door behind you

if you can. Gives the bird less

space to get lost.

DOT

(shaken)

Shit.

LILY (PHONE)

(starting to worry)

Where are you?

DOT

It’s Rudy’s room. I’m in Rudy’s

room.

LILY (PHONE)

(gently)

Norah’s room now.

DOT

I know, I know. Life in a boarding

house. The wheels keep turning.

(pause)

Norah didn’t exactly redecorate. I

should probably change the sheets.

Even if she doesn’t sleep.

Seems like bad luck to leave a dead

guy’s laundry hanging around.

Gathering dust.

LILY (PHONE)

You’ve had a lot on your mind.

DOT

What’s the difference between those

ashes in the ground somewhere, and

the dead skin cells in these

sheets? Shouldn’t we bury these,

too? It’s all—what’s the fucking

quote—it’s all star stuff, right?

FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING.

DOT (CONT’D)

I bet Rudy loved that quote. I bet

he was a total Carl Sagan fanboy.

(Carl Sagan imitation)

“Somewhere, something incredible is

waiting to be known.” We’ve got the

old VHS tape of Cosmos somewhere in

the basement, I should dig it up

and — I should’ve dug it up. Too

late now. I’m too young to be

losing friends like this.

Too goddamn young. The Dot Harper

story.

LILY (PHONE)

Hey Mom?

DOT

Sentimental bullshit, I know.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom—

DOT

You can say it. Dot Harper’s going

soft. Soft heart, soft brain —

LILY (PHONE)

Mom! What I’m trying to — is that

bird singing Clair de Lune?

FX: YES, IT IS.

DOT

Yeah. He’s perching, too, but I

don’t have a damn box because I’m

in Rudy’s DAMN room!

FX: DISTANTLY OVER THE PHONE, A KEY IN A LOCK: THE FRONT DOOR

OPENS.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom?

DOT

I didn’t wanna be here! Why am I

here? Why do I have to be here? I’m

sorry, I’m sorry, I just. I’m

sorry.

LILY (PHONE)

Don’t say that. Listen, please.

Look, I, uh. I’m in my room.

DOT

But you were out getting - fucking

great, did I lose more time?

LILY (PHONE)

No, no, no. That’s not what I — I

just went through the front door

and now I’m in my bedroom.

DOT

Lily?

LILY (PHONE)

So if there’s any question of

what’s going on...

DOT

Lily, you’re here too?

LILY (PHONE)

I’m definitely somewhere.

DOT

One sec. One little sec. Marco!

LILY (DISTANTLY, NOT PHONE)

Polo!

DOT

(instantly, a brighter

mood)

Okay then! Okay.

FX: THE BIRD IS STILL SINGING CLAIR DE LUNE.

DOT (CONT’D)

Hey birdbrain, got anything else?

FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING “DO THE TRICK OR TREAT”

DOT (CONT’D)

Yes! Okay.

(calling)

Stay where you are, Lily, we’re

coming for ya!

LILY (DISTANTLY, NOT PHONE)

What?

DOT

Oh, right. Stay where you are,

okay? We’ll find you.

LILY

Yeah.

DOT

(humming along with the

bird)

FX: DOT CROSSES THE ROOM.

DOT (CONT’D)

No whammies, no whammies!

FX: DOT WHISKS OPEN THE DOOR.

FX: DOT AND THE BIRD PASS THROUGH, DOT CLOSING THE DOOR

BEHIND THEM.

FX: DOT STAGGERS DOWN THE FIRST COUPLE OF BASEMENT STEPS.

DOT (CONT’D)

Whoa, shit! Okay.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom? Where are you?

DOT

We’re in the basement. Sorry,

wasn’t expecting a step there.

FX: DOT SWITCHES ON THE LIGHT AND DOT AND THE BIRD HEAD DOWN

INTO THE BASEMENT.

DOT (CONT’D)

Okay, good news is I can get a box

for this bird. Bad news, we just

went in the opposite direction.

LILY (PHONE)

It’s okay, there’s only so many

doors in this house, right?

DOT

(cheerfully)

One of ‘em has gotta be the right

one. Unless the house is trapping

us both inside so we can slowly be

digested, like a Venus flytrap!

LILY (PHONE)

Wow, thanks for that image.

DOT

Got the box. Got the towel, got the

box. Let’s rock. MARCO!

LILY (THROUGH THE WALL)

POLO!

DOT

Is it just me —

LILY (PHONE)

No, you sounded really close.

DOT

Right? Just across the wall. Shoo,

bird, c’mon, this way. We’re gonna

try the storage room door.

LILY (PHONE)

Got it.

FX: DOT WHISKS OPEN THE STORAGE ROOM DOOR.

DOT

Here we — huh.

LILY (PHONE)

Where are you?

DOT

...the storage room. Marco!

LILY (VERY DISTANTLY)

Polo!

DOT

Farther. Okay, let’s try the door

again.

FX: DOT CLOSES THE STORAGE ROOM DOOR, THEN OPENS IT AGAIN.

SHE AND THE BIRD ENTER THE ROOM.

FX: WE’RE BACK IN THE ATTIC, RAIN STILL POURING ONTO THE

ROOF.

LILY (PHONE)

Where are you now?

DOT

Attic again.

FX: FAINTLY THROUGH THE WALL, NATURE DOCUMENTARY MUSIC.

DOT (CONT’D)

I hear music. Must’ve left the TV

on somewhere. My room or the living

room.

LILY

Which could be anywhere. Probably

better to focus on what’s in front

of us.

DOT

True. Hey birdbrain, you wanna fly

into the window from this side, go

for the hat trick?

FX: THE BIRD SINGS “TAPS”

DOT (CONT’D)

Yeah, yeah. Let’s pay our respects

to the site of your head trauma.

FX: “TAPS” IS A LONGER SONG THAN DOT REMEMBERS IT BEING.

DOT (CONT’D)

Okay, enough respect. Gimme

something fun. “It’s got a good

beat and you can dance to it.”

FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING “MY BOYFRIEND IS A JACK O

LANTERN.”

DOT (CONT’D)

Now we’re cookin’!

22.

23.

LILY (PHONE)

Instead of going through the door

every time, have you tired just

opening and closing the same door?

DOT

That’s a thought! Let’s go!

FX: DOT OPENS THE ATTIC DOOR.

DOT (CONT’D)

Bathroom.

FX: DOT CLOSES THE DOOR AND OPENS IT AGAIN.

DOT (CONT’D)

Basement again.

FX: DOT CLOSES THE DOOR AND OPENS IT AGAIN. NATURE

DOCUMENTARY MUSIC PLAYING.

TV ANNOUNCER

At first glance, the 107 acres of

Utah’s Fishlake National Forest

look like any other gorgeous aspen

grove. But they hold a rare secret.

DOT

My room. Found the TV.

TV ANNOUNCER

The roughly 47,000 aspen trees are

all part of a single organism.

LILY (PHONE)

Mom, can we — ?

DOT

I’m watching this! 47,000 aspens

growing outta some kind of

supertree.

TV ANNOUNCER

It’s called...Pando.

DOT

Wonders never cease.

LILY (PHONE)

I think we’re looking at pretty

strong evidence they don’t.

TV ANNOUNCER

The nickname is Latin -

FX: DOT TURNS THE TV OFF.

DOT

I think that’s enough of that.

FX: A FLAPPING OF WINGS

No, bird, get out of there!

LILY (PHONE)

Use the towel!

FX: A TOWEL IS WAVED THROUGH THE AIR. MORE WINGS FLAP. DOT

CLOSES THE DOOR.

LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)

Now we’ve gotta really make sure

this bird doesn’t get loose or

we’ll never find him.

DOT

I was thinking the same thing.

Jinx!

LILY (PHONE)

That’s not how jinx –

FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR. SHE AND LILY ARE FACE TO FACE.

FX: THE BIRD FLAPS INTO LILY’S ROOM.

LILY (CONT’D)

Hi.

DOT

Hey, Lilybelle, good to —

LILY

Yeah.

FX: LILY HUGS DOT.

DOT

Oof. Hey, leave some air in my

lungs.

LILY

So hey, I know you know, but I

wanted to say —

DOT

What?

FX: THE BIRD FLAPPING NOISES HAVE CEASED.

LILY

The bird is perching. Okay, take

the box, put it on its side, and

lay it next to the bird.

FX: DOT WALKS INTO THE ROOM.

DOT

Got it.

LILY

Now, very quickly, use the towel to

shoo the bird into the box, and

cover the box with the towel.

FX: THE BIRD FLOPS INTO THE BOX AND STOPS SINGING ABRUPTLY.

IT FLAPS IN PROTEST AGAINST THE TOWEL AND THWAPS THE SIDE OF

THE BOX.

DOT

Bird in a box! Getcher bird in a

box here!

LILY

Now we just release it out —

(realizing what a job that

will be)

Oh shit.

DOT

Welcome to my world. Alright, I’ll

hold the box, you try the door.

FX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS THE DOOR.

LILY

Office.

FX: LILY CLOSES THE DOOR MOST OF THE WAY BUT NOT ALL THE WAY.

LILY OPENS THE DOOR.

LILY (CONT’D)

Still the office. You must have to

shut the door ‘til it clicks to

change it.

SX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS THE DOOR.

LILY (CONT’D)

Abbie’s room. Good thing they

aren’t home.

FX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS IT AGAIN.

FX: THE OUTDOORS. RAIN. A WOLF SNARLS.

LILY (CONT’D)

Should we try for the back door?

DOT

Who knows how long that’d take!

Distract the wolves while I free

our friend here!

LILY

Uh, what’ve I got in my pockets,

nothing but a pencil, shit. Hey

wolves, go fetch!

FX: TWO WOLVES YIP AND THEN RUN OFF. DISTANTLY, THE PENCIL

LANDS.

DOT

Okay, say goodbye, birdbrain!

FX: THE BIRD FLAPS AWKWARDLY OUT OF THE BOX.

DOT (CONT’D)

Happy trails!

FX: THE BIRD SINGS “ROCKIN ROBIN” AS IT DISAPPEARS INTO THE

STORM. THE FRONT DOOR SHUTS.

DOT (CONT’D)

Well, this is gonna be a fun one to

explain to the lodgers.

LILY

We should post a sign on the door.

DOT

Which door?

LILY

Every one we can find.

DOT

Sounds great. You can be in charge

of getting the marker and the

paper.

LILY

I think I might have some in here,

actually, behind the — oh no.

DOT

What?

LILY

I just remembered, when I left for

the hardware store? Marisol was

napping on the couch.

DOT

Welp, you know the drill.

LILY

Mom, before we go. Are you and

Russell Epstein okay?

DOT

We’re fine.

LILY

‘Cause something was definitely up

when I called you.

DOT

No, it was just — hopefully house

shit. There were two Russell

Epsteins for a sec. Not sure why I

had to freak out about that, it

really doesn’t sound too bad. Two

Russells, the possibilities...

LILY

Mom, I’m not listening to this.

DOT

Hey, it’s perfectly natural! Just a

woman and a man and that man’s

creepy house-made ghost.

LILY

So you accept that you were not

having an episode?

DOT

So it would seem. I guess even an

old house can pick up a new routine

once in a while.

LILY

Damn right.

DOT

Hopefully we’ve hit the ceiling on

weird, but: famous last words.

LILY

Hey Mom? I love you.

DOT

I love you too, Lily. Oh damn, now

the waterworks are gonna — the

leak! We still need to do something

about the leak in the attic.

LILY

Sure thing, after we find my

girlfriend.

DOT

At least we know the room doesn’t

change unless you completely shut

the door.

LILY

So we just leave every door open a

crack until this calms down?

DOT

Makes sense. Once we’ve found

Marisol, the three of us can start

making a map of how the rooms

connect up for now.

LILY

Good, yeah. We can send it to

everyone so they’ll have it on

their phones.

DOT

Problem solved.

LILY

Good as new.

DOT

(sighs)

LILY

What?

DOT

You were right, Lily. I can’t live

my whole life always asking myself

what’s real and not. That’s no way

to live.

LILY

It isn’t, no. That’s why you —

DOT

This place is getting weirder. It’s

getting weirder all the time and

I’ve spent so much of today going

back and forth, is this happening

or am I losing another chunk of my

mind. I can’t do this forever. I

just can’t. One more summer, and

then assisted living, where at

least if there’s a bird singing

Clair de Lune, it’ll be in my own

damn head.

LILY

Okay.

DOT

Okay?

LILY

Yeah. I’ll visit you all the time.

DOT

I know you will. Besides, it’s a

whole facility of people who

haven’t heard my dirty limericks

yet.

LILY

I’ll visit you all the time, and

I’ll say, “Never met this woman

before in my life, no idea who she

is, sorry.”

DOT

(snorts)

Think that’s my line.

LILY

Should we go rescue Marisol?

DOT

Sounds like a plan. One, two —

FX: A DOOR OPENS.