Unwell Season 5/Episode 3 - Flock
by Jessica Best
A little footwork (for two)
Things get shaken up
47,000 Aspen trees.
Content Advisories for this episode can be found here.
A Transcript for this episode can be found here.
Support Unwell and HartLife NFP on Patreon at www.patreon.com/hartlifenfp
This episode features: Clarisa Cherie Rios as Lily, Marsha Harman as Dot, Clint Worthington as Russel, and Ella Watts as the Documentary Narrator.
Written by Jessica Best, sound design by Ryan Schile, directed by Jeffrey Nils Gardner, theme music composed by Stephen Poon, assistant director Lauren Grace Thompson, recording engineer Mel Ruder, associate producer Ani Enghdahl, Theme performed by Stephen Poon, Lauren Kelly, Gunnar Jebsen, Travis Elfers, Mel Ruder, and Betsey Palmer, produced by haydée r. souffrant, Unwell lead sound designer Eli Hamada McIlveen, Executive Producers Eleanor Hyde and Jeffrey Nils Gardner, by HartLife NFP.
====
INT. FENWOOD ATTIC.
FX: RAIN POUNDS THE ROOF, AND STREAMS THROUGH AN OPEN WINDOW.
FX: THROUGH THE CLOSED DOOR, WE HEAR DOT AND RUSSELL’S
FOOTSTEPS UP THE STAIRS. THEY PAUSE AT THE DOOR.
DOT
Really can’t thank you enough.
RUSSELL
I mean it, Dot, don’t mention it.
DOT
I’ll bake you a whole bunch of
cookies, pick your poison.
RUSSELL
Don’t put yourself out on my
account, it’s no trouble.
DOT
Alright, I’ll buy you a whole bunch
of cookies. Oreos, Chips Ahoy, you
name it.
RUSSELL
At my store? Where I have access to
them all anyway?
DOT
Maybe I’ll just give you five
ninety-nine. That’s a good deal.
(Pause.)
Alright, that’s enough stalling.
Time to face this head on. If we
need a new roof, we need a new
roof. Chin up, eyes clear, assholes
firmly unclenched.
RUSSELL
Words to live by.
DOT
It’s on our family coat of arms.
FX: DOT WHISKS THE DOOR OPEN.
DOT (CONT’D)
Huh.
RUSSELL
Good news: it’s definitely not a
roof leak.
FX: DOT AND RUSSELL STEP FURTHER INTO THE ROOM. THE WINDOW IS
GUSHING WATER.
DOT
No, just some crazy old lady who
left the attic window open a crack.
RUSSELL
Dot, hey, look at me. It could
happen to anyone.
DOT
Anyone whose brain is being slowly
replaced by pond scum.
RUSSELL
People forget things all the time.
The other day, I lost my glasses.
Tore through my whole apartment
looking for them. Guess where they
were.
DOT
On your head.
RUSSELL
They were on my head, yes.
DOT
You’ve told me that story already.
RUSSELL
This is exactly what I’m talking
about. Your average person’s memory
is just not that good.
DOT
Average? Don’t sell yourself short,
Russell Epstein, you’re a prime
hunk of man-meat.
RUSSELL
(amused)
A little aged.
DOT
Just gives it flavor.
RUSSELL
See? You still remember how to make
a guy blush, that’s gotta count for
something.
FX: RUSSELL CROSSES TO THE WINDOW.
RUSSELL (CONT’D)
Now, let’s see if we can’t close
that window and save what we can of
the third floor ceiling.
FX: DOT FOLLOWS HIM.
DOT
Russ, how long are we gonna dance
around me and you?
RUSSELL
I thought you liked a little
footwork.
DOT
I don’t mind it, but life’s short
and there’s much more fun shit we
could be getting up to.
RUSSELL
I’m open to suggestions.
DOT
Well in that case, why don’t we
start with-
FX: A BIRD FLIES DIRECTLY INTO THE WINDOW-GLASS.
DOT (CONT’D)
Shit!
RUSSELL
What was that?
DOT
This goddamn bird keeps flying
right into the glass. Driving me
crazy.
(flatly)
Crazier, haha.
RUSSELL
Dot.
DOT
And I don’t know what to do because
the curtain’s closed, the curtain’s
always closed up here, and no
matter how many times that stupid
bird hits the window, it keeps
coming back for more!
(a beat)
Where were we. Things were just
getting interesting.
RUSSELL
Maybe another time would be better?
DOT
No, I’m good, I’m good. We were
talking about dancing-
RUSSELL
I was about to work up the courage
to tell you how I feel about you-
DOT
I was gonna suggest a little
horizontal tango-
(Dot registers what
Russell just said)
Wait, wait go back. You were about
to-?
RUSSELL
Dot Harper, I - shouldn’t we close
the window first?
DOT
Right, yeah, the water, hang on.
FX: DOT WRESTLES WITH THE WINDOW.
DOT (CONT’D)
(straining)
You were saying?
RUSSELL
Wow, it’s really stuck.
DOT
(straining)
I can see that, Russ. Continue.
RUSSELL
You are unlike anyone else I’ve
ever known. You make me-
FX: DOT IS STILL WRESTLING WITH THE WINDOW.
RUSSELL (CONT’D)
Are you certain you don’t want help
with that?
DOT
I can get it. You keep talking.
RUSSELL
You light up any room you’re in,
and I love...your spirit...are you
sure about the window?
DOT
Yes, I’m sure.
FX: THE BIRD HITS THE WINDOW AGAIN.
DOT (CONT’D)
Motherfucker!
RUSSELL
You’re so alive, all the time-
FX: DOT’S CELL PHONE RINGS.
DOT
Are you serious? Not you, Russ.
Hang on, that’s me, let me just -
THROW MY PHONE OUT THE WINDOW!
FX: DOT’S CELL PHONE RINGS.
RUSSELL
(amused)
You’re not even gonna see who’s
calling?
DOT
No, I probably should, I-
(Dot looks at the screen.
She is very shaken.)
Uh. Actually, you know what, I need
to take this?
RUSSELL
Sure thing.
FX: DOT ACCEPTS THE CALL.
DOT
Hello?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Hey Dot, it’s Russell. I’m so
sorry, but with all the rain, I
think a cell tower was down or
something. Listen, I still want to
swing out there and come with you
to check on that leak, but I need
to cover for Phyllis.
Any time there’s rain, she drives
like an old lady. I can be there in
fifteen if that’s not too late?
DOT
Uh-huh?
RUSSELL
Dot?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Dot?
RUSSELL
Everything okay?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Everything okay?
DOT
(Deep breath)
Okay, this is simple. This is easy.
I need to ask you something that
only you would know.
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Hey Dot, what’s going on?
DOT
What was my first album?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
What?
DOT
The first album I ever owned. What
was it?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
I don’t - uh. Jackson Browne,
“Saturate Before Using”?
DOT
(keeping it together by
the skin of her teeth)
Hey. Can you hold for a sec?
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Sure thing.
DOT
You. Same question.
RUSSELL
Your first album?
DOT
My first album.
RUSSELL
Donny Osmond, “To You With Love,
Donny”.
DOT
Shit. Shit!
RUSSELL
Dot, could you please tell me
what’s going on?
DOT
You’re right. My Dad bought it for
me. He never really got my taste.
Like, Donny Osmond, such a
teenybopper, can you imagine anyone
less cool? I was so embarrassed.
RUSSELL
So I win?
(Lightly)
Do I get a prize?
DOT
I was so embarrassed that I never
told anyone. Except the house.
Except good old Mr. Hums.
(Pause)
Russell Epstein’s on the other
line. You wanna talk to him,
“Russell”?
RUSSELL
I- (GASP)
FX: RUSSELL EPSTEIN VANISHES.
FX: THE HOUSE GROANS AND CREAKS.
FX: RUSSELL EPSTEIN CAN BE HEAR DISTANTLY ON THE
CELL PHONE.
RUSSELL ON THE PHONE
Dot? Hey Dot?
FX: WE HEAR THE PHONE MORE CLEARLY AS DOT PUTS IT TO HER EAR.
Was I right? Jackson Browne?
FX: THE HOUSE SOUNDS ARE GETTING LOUDER AND WEIRDER. WHAT IT
KIND OF SOUNDS LIKE, IS THAT EVERY ROOM OF THE HOUSE HAS
GAINED SENTIENCE AND IS PACING.
DOT
(distantly)
Russ, I’m gonna have to call you
back.
FX: THE CALL ENDS. DOT THROWS HER PHONE TO THE GROUND.
DOT (CONT’D)
Motherfucker!
FX: THE HOUSE CREAKS SO LOUDLY AND DISTINCTLY THAT THE ATTIC
SHAKES.
DOT (CONT’D)
What the-
FX: THE HOUSE HEAVES A SIGH AND IS SILENT.
FX: RAIN IS STILL STREAMING IN THE WINDOW.
DOT (CONT’D)
Catfished by my own damn house.
Jesus fucking Christ. Okay Dottie,
let’s at least close this fucking
window. One, two -
FX: THE CELL PHONE RINGS, VIBRATING AGAINST THE FLOOR.
DOT (CONT’D)
For the love of God!
FX: DOT ACCEPTS THE CALL.
DOT (CONT’D)
Not NOW, Russ!
LILY (PHONE)
Mom?
DOT
Lily. Lilybelle. Uh. What’s the
first album I ever owned?
LILY (PHONE)
Bonnie Raitt?
DOT
(relieved) Good enough.
LILY (PHONE)
So, I got the tarps and I wanted to
ask if we have extra batteries for
the radio? I’m almost home but I
can stop by Russell’s -
DOT
Tons of ‘em, don’t worry about it.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom? What’s wrong? Are you fighting
with Russell?
DOT
No kid, nothing’s new. Just the
usual.
LILY (PHONE)
You don’t normally sound this
bummed about the usual.
DOT
Yeah. Hang on, I gotta put you down
while I close the goddamn attic
window.
FX: DOT PUTS LILY ON SPEAKER AND SETS THE PHONE ON THE
GROUND.
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Why’d you open it?
DOT
Good goddamn question. One, two,
three!
(struggling)
FX: THE BIRD SMACKS INTO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE AGAIN.
DOT (CONT’D)
(sound of surprise)
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Is the bird back?
DOT
Poor bastard’s so determined to get
in.
I’d say, ‘Maybe this house was
built over his favorite tree and he
remembers the fucking - days of
yore, but what’s a bird’s lifespan,
five years?
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
That’s assuming it’s a real bird,
and not a ghost. Or, you know, not
a ghost-ghost, but whatever we get
here instead.
DOT
(lost)
Yeah.
FX: A PAUSE. WATER IS STILL STREAMING IN THROUGH THE CRACK IN
THE WINDOW.
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Hey Mom, the window?
DOT
How do you feel about a little
water feature in the attic?
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Mom.
DOT
An indoor waterfall, very scenic.
Guests will come from all over the
Midwest to take their pictures next
to--
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Have you tried pushing it up and
then back down again?
DOT
(bluster)
Have I tried-
(realizing she has not, in
fact, tried)
Hang on!
FX: THE WINDOW SLIDES UP, WATER GUSHING IN.
DOT (CONT’D)
Phlegh! Agh! Blugh!
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Mom?
DOT
(shouting to be heard
above the water)
One sec, Lily!
(straining to close the
window)
FX: THE WINDOW SLAMS SHUT.
DOT (CONT’D)
Ha! I am woman, hear me roar!
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
You got it?
DOT
Hell yeah, I got it!
FX: THE BIRD, NOW INSIDE THE ATTIC, LETS OUT A TRILL.
DOT (CONT’D)
Uh.
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
It sounds like-
DOT
(overlapping)
It sounds like the bird is in the
house now, yeah.
LILY (SPEAKER PHONE)
Okay, Mom? Not a big deal. We had a
pigeon get loose in the weaving
studio once or twice. The first
thing you wanna do--
FX: DOT TURNS OFF SPEAKERPHONE AND HOLDS THE PHONE TO HER EAR
AGAIN.
DOT
I am not opening that damn window
again.
LILY (PHONE)
You don’t have to. The first thing
you want to do is get a box and a
towel.
FX: DOT CROSSES TO THE ATTIC DOOR.
DOT
Got it.
LILY (PHONE)
A clean towel.
DOT
What kind of operation do you think
I’m running here?
FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR AND STARTS DOWN THE STAIRS.
LILY (PHONE)
Try to keep the bird contained to
the room, if you can.
FX: FLAPPING BIRD WINGS.
DOT
...yeah, that ship has sailed.
LILY (PHONE)
It’s okay! It’s okay. So the first
step is just to tire the bird out a
little-
FX: DOT’S FEET HIT THE KITCHEN TILE. THE KITCHEN CLOCK TICKS.
DOT
Uh...
LILY (PHONE)
Mom? What’s going on?
FX: DOT WALKS ACROSS THE KITCHEN FLOOR, THEN STOPS.
DOT
Nothing.
LILY (PHONE)
Did you fall down the stairs, are
you okay?
DOT
(scared but trying to
cover for it)
No, I’m fine, I’m fine.
(weakly)
Down the stairs? Don’t you think
there’d be more swearing?
LILY (PHONE)
Mom? You’re being really quiet, it-
FX: THE KITCHEN CAT CLOCK MEOWS.
LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)
It sounds like you’re in the
kitchen.
DOT
It does - it does sound that way,
doesn’t it?
LILY (PHONE)
You were just in the attic.
DOT
I thought I was in the attic.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom, I heard the rain. I heard the
bird hit the window.
DOT
Yeah, but that doesn’t make any
goddamn sense because-
LILY (PHONE)
What are you talking about? This
makes perfect sense? This is
Fenwood doing its thing. Its big
creepy house thing. Classic
Fenwood.
DOT
I have heard a lot, A LOT, of
stories about the things this house
can do. It can stretch rooms. It
can make sounds. It can, it can
show you ghosts. You know what I’ve
never heard about? Never once heard
about?
LILY (PHONE)
C’mon. People can be surprising,
right? Even people you’ve known a
really long time. Why can’t a house
have a few tricks up its sleeve?
DOT
Don’t baby me, Lily!
LILY (PHONE)
I’m not babying you. I am pointing
out what option works with what we
know. And in this case-
DOT
I opened the attic door. I walked
down one flight of stairs--
LILY (PHONE)
This is what I’m saying.
DOT
I can feel the kitchen floor under
my feet. I can feel it.
LILY (PHONE)
Because it’s there.
DOT
Losing time, that’s a symptom of
bad fucking brain whatevers.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom, I was here the whole time, you
didn’t wander off or anything.
DOT
I was trying to get to the third
floor linen closet.
LILY (PHONE)
And in other house, that wouldn’t
be a problem, but here-
DOT
How do we know? How do we know for
sure that this isn’t my whole mind
saying “well, smell ya later!” How
do I even know I’m really talking
to you right now? How do I know I’m
not just - sitting in my room in a
puddle of piss, babbling away to
myself?
LILY (PHONE)
You were lucid the whole time,
which was less than twenty seconds.
No offense, but you couldn’t have
made it from the attic to the
kitchen any normal way. You said it
yourself: whenever it rains, the
whole town gets a cold. Let’s just
say the house had a...hiccup.
DOT
Helluva hiccup.
LILY (PHONE)
You know what I mean. Mom, you
can’t live your whole life looking
over your shoulder, wondering
what’s real and what’s not. That
can’t be the new default.
DOT
Hmm.
FX: THE BIRD SINGS A BIRD CALL. DOT CROSSES THE KITCHEN
FLOOR.
DOT (CONT’D)
No, yeah, I haven’t forgotten about
you, you feathery little jerk. A
towel, you say?
LILY (PHONE)
A kitchen towel is fine. And you
should wash your hands if you can.
FX: THE SINK TURNS ON. DOT WASHES HER HANDS.
DOT
This is definitely the kitchen. I
mean, I think. How would I
hallucinate the feeling of water on
my hands? I can smell the soap. You
ever noticed how you never smell
stuff in dreams?
LILY (PHONE)
Yeah.
DOT
I don’t know if I smell stuff when
I lose my marbles. Try not to let
your jaw hit the floor, but I can’t
remember.
LILY (PHONE)
If you’re with-it enough to worry
that you’re out of it...
DOT
Lily, I really don’t wanna talk
about this.
LILY (PHONE)
Okay. The next thing you want to do
is chase the bird without freaking
it out.
No hitting it with a broom or
anything, the goal is just to get
the bird to perch, which is where
the box and the towel come in.
FX: THE BIRD SINGS A BIRD CALL.
LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)
And if you’re wondering if the bird
is real, I hear it too.
DOT
That’s exactly what you’d say if
you were--I still need a box.
LILY (PHONE)
There are boxes in the basement.
DOT
Right. C’mon birdie, let’s do this.
FX: DOT CROSSES TO THE STAIRS AND BEGINS TO JOG DOWN THEM.
THE BIRD FLIES AFTER HER.
DOT (CONT’D)
Wish me luck. Hey bird, this way,
and don’t even think of shitting on
me!
FX: DOT OPENS THE BASEMENT DOOR.
DOT (CONT’D)
Okay, no big deal--
FX: THE BIRD FLIES INTO THE ROOM AND DOT RUNS IN AFTER IT,
CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND HERSELF.
FX: THE OFFICE OVERHEARD FAN IS ON.
DOT (CONT’D)
Oh shit.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom?
DOT
The ceiling fan is on, hang on!
FX: THE BIRD MAKES A SOUND OF DISTRESS. DOT SWITCHES OFF THE
FAN.
LILY (PHONE)
There’s no overhead fan in the
basement.
DOT
Of course not.
LILY (PHONE)
Where are--?
DOT
Welcome to the office.
FX: THE BIRD MAKES A BIRD CALL.
DOT (CONT’D)
I still need that stupid fucking
box.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom?
DOT
C’mon, birdie. C’mon.
FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR, SHOOS THE BIRD THROUGH, THEN STEPS
THROUGH THE DOOR.
LILY (PHONE)
You should shut the door behind you
if you can. Gives the bird less
space to get lost.
DOT
(shaken)
Shit.
LILY (PHONE)
(starting to worry)
Where are you?
DOT
It’s Rudy’s room. I’m in Rudy’s
room.
LILY (PHONE)
(gently)
Norah’s room now.
DOT
I know, I know. Life in a boarding
house. The wheels keep turning.
(pause)
Norah didn’t exactly redecorate. I
should probably change the sheets.
Even if she doesn’t sleep.
Seems like bad luck to leave a dead
guy’s laundry hanging around.
Gathering dust.
LILY (PHONE)
You’ve had a lot on your mind.
DOT
What’s the difference between those
ashes in the ground somewhere, and
the dead skin cells in these
sheets? Shouldn’t we bury these,
too? It’s all—what’s the fucking
quote—it’s all star stuff, right?
FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING.
DOT (CONT’D)
I bet Rudy loved that quote. I bet
he was a total Carl Sagan fanboy.
(Carl Sagan imitation)
“Somewhere, something incredible is
waiting to be known.” We’ve got the
old VHS tape of Cosmos somewhere in
the basement, I should dig it up
and — I should’ve dug it up. Too
late now. I’m too young to be
losing friends like this.
Too goddamn young. The Dot Harper
story.
LILY (PHONE)
Hey Mom?
DOT
Sentimental bullshit, I know.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom—
DOT
You can say it. Dot Harper’s going
soft. Soft heart, soft brain —
LILY (PHONE)
Mom! What I’m trying to — is that
bird singing Clair de Lune?
FX: YES, IT IS.
DOT
Yeah. He’s perching, too, but I
don’t have a damn box because I’m
in Rudy’s DAMN room!
FX: DISTANTLY OVER THE PHONE, A KEY IN A LOCK: THE FRONT DOOR
OPENS.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom?
DOT
I didn’t wanna be here! Why am I
here? Why do I have to be here? I’m
sorry, I’m sorry, I just. I’m
sorry.
LILY (PHONE)
Don’t say that. Listen, please.
Look, I, uh. I’m in my room.
DOT
But you were out getting - fucking
great, did I lose more time?
LILY (PHONE)
No, no, no. That’s not what I — I
just went through the front door
and now I’m in my bedroom.
DOT
Lily?
LILY (PHONE)
So if there’s any question of
what’s going on...
DOT
Lily, you’re here too?
LILY (PHONE)
I’m definitely somewhere.
DOT
One sec. One little sec. Marco!
LILY (DISTANTLY, NOT PHONE)
Polo!
DOT
(instantly, a brighter
mood)
Okay then! Okay.
FX: THE BIRD IS STILL SINGING CLAIR DE LUNE.
DOT (CONT’D)
Hey birdbrain, got anything else?
FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING “DO THE TRICK OR TREAT”
DOT (CONT’D)
Yes! Okay.
(calling)
Stay where you are, Lily, we’re
coming for ya!
LILY (DISTANTLY, NOT PHONE)
What?
DOT
Oh, right. Stay where you are,
okay? We’ll find you.
LILY
Yeah.
DOT
(humming along with the
bird)
FX: DOT CROSSES THE ROOM.
DOT (CONT’D)
No whammies, no whammies!
FX: DOT WHISKS OPEN THE DOOR.
FX: DOT AND THE BIRD PASS THROUGH, DOT CLOSING THE DOOR
BEHIND THEM.
FX: DOT STAGGERS DOWN THE FIRST COUPLE OF BASEMENT STEPS.
DOT (CONT’D)
Whoa, shit! Okay.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom? Where are you?
DOT
We’re in the basement. Sorry,
wasn’t expecting a step there.
FX: DOT SWITCHES ON THE LIGHT AND DOT AND THE BIRD HEAD DOWN
INTO THE BASEMENT.
DOT (CONT’D)
Okay, good news is I can get a box
for this bird. Bad news, we just
went in the opposite direction.
LILY (PHONE)
It’s okay, there’s only so many
doors in this house, right?
DOT
(cheerfully)
One of ‘em has gotta be the right
one. Unless the house is trapping
us both inside so we can slowly be
digested, like a Venus flytrap!
LILY (PHONE)
Wow, thanks for that image.
DOT
Got the box. Got the towel, got the
box. Let’s rock. MARCO!
LILY (THROUGH THE WALL)
POLO!
DOT
Is it just me —
LILY (PHONE)
No, you sounded really close.
DOT
Right? Just across the wall. Shoo,
bird, c’mon, this way. We’re gonna
try the storage room door.
LILY (PHONE)
Got it.
FX: DOT WHISKS OPEN THE STORAGE ROOM DOOR.
DOT
Here we — huh.
LILY (PHONE)
Where are you?
DOT
...the storage room. Marco!
LILY (VERY DISTANTLY)
Polo!
DOT
Farther. Okay, let’s try the door
again.
FX: DOT CLOSES THE STORAGE ROOM DOOR, THEN OPENS IT AGAIN.
SHE AND THE BIRD ENTER THE ROOM.
FX: WE’RE BACK IN THE ATTIC, RAIN STILL POURING ONTO THE
ROOF.
LILY (PHONE)
Where are you now?
DOT
Attic again.
FX: FAINTLY THROUGH THE WALL, NATURE DOCUMENTARY MUSIC.
DOT (CONT’D)
I hear music. Must’ve left the TV
on somewhere. My room or the living
room.
LILY
Which could be anywhere. Probably
better to focus on what’s in front
of us.
DOT
True. Hey birdbrain, you wanna fly
into the window from this side, go
for the hat trick?
FX: THE BIRD SINGS “TAPS”
DOT (CONT’D)
Yeah, yeah. Let’s pay our respects
to the site of your head trauma.
FX: “TAPS” IS A LONGER SONG THAN DOT REMEMBERS IT BEING.
DOT (CONT’D)
Okay, enough respect. Gimme
something fun. “It’s got a good
beat and you can dance to it.”
FX: THE BIRD BEGINS TO SING “MY BOYFRIEND IS A JACK O
LANTERN.”
DOT (CONT’D)
Now we’re cookin’!
22.
23.
LILY (PHONE)
Instead of going through the door
every time, have you tired just
opening and closing the same door?
DOT
That’s a thought! Let’s go!
FX: DOT OPENS THE ATTIC DOOR.
DOT (CONT’D)
Bathroom.
FX: DOT CLOSES THE DOOR AND OPENS IT AGAIN.
DOT (CONT’D)
Basement again.
FX: DOT CLOSES THE DOOR AND OPENS IT AGAIN. NATURE
DOCUMENTARY MUSIC PLAYING.
TV ANNOUNCER
At first glance, the 107 acres of
Utah’s Fishlake National Forest
look like any other gorgeous aspen
grove. But they hold a rare secret.
DOT
My room. Found the TV.
TV ANNOUNCER
The roughly 47,000 aspen trees are
all part of a single organism.
LILY (PHONE)
Mom, can we — ?
DOT
I’m watching this! 47,000 aspens
growing outta some kind of
supertree.
TV ANNOUNCER
It’s called...Pando.
DOT
Wonders never cease.
LILY (PHONE)
I think we’re looking at pretty
strong evidence they don’t.
TV ANNOUNCER
The nickname is Latin -
FX: DOT TURNS THE TV OFF.
DOT
I think that’s enough of that.
FX: A FLAPPING OF WINGS
No, bird, get out of there!
LILY (PHONE)
Use the towel!
FX: A TOWEL IS WAVED THROUGH THE AIR. MORE WINGS FLAP. DOT
CLOSES THE DOOR.
LILY (PHONE) (CONT’D)
Now we’ve gotta really make sure
this bird doesn’t get loose or
we’ll never find him.
DOT
I was thinking the same thing.
Jinx!
LILY (PHONE)
That’s not how jinx –
FX: DOT OPENS THE DOOR. SHE AND LILY ARE FACE TO FACE.
FX: THE BIRD FLAPS INTO LILY’S ROOM.
LILY (CONT’D)
Hi.
DOT
Hey, Lilybelle, good to —
LILY
Yeah.
FX: LILY HUGS DOT.
DOT
Oof. Hey, leave some air in my
lungs.
LILY
So hey, I know you know, but I
wanted to say —
DOT
What?
FX: THE BIRD FLAPPING NOISES HAVE CEASED.
LILY
The bird is perching. Okay, take
the box, put it on its side, and
lay it next to the bird.
FX: DOT WALKS INTO THE ROOM.
DOT
Got it.
LILY
Now, very quickly, use the towel to
shoo the bird into the box, and
cover the box with the towel.
FX: THE BIRD FLOPS INTO THE BOX AND STOPS SINGING ABRUPTLY.
IT FLAPS IN PROTEST AGAINST THE TOWEL AND THWAPS THE SIDE OF
THE BOX.
DOT
Bird in a box! Getcher bird in a
box here!
LILY
Now we just release it out —
(realizing what a job that
will be)
Oh shit.
DOT
Welcome to my world. Alright, I’ll
hold the box, you try the door.
FX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS THE DOOR.
LILY
Office.
FX: LILY CLOSES THE DOOR MOST OF THE WAY BUT NOT ALL THE WAY.
LILY OPENS THE DOOR.
LILY (CONT’D)
Still the office. You must have to
shut the door ‘til it clicks to
change it.
SX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS THE DOOR.
LILY (CONT’D)
Abbie’s room. Good thing they
aren’t home.
FX: LILY CLOSES AND THEN REOPENS IT AGAIN.
FX: THE OUTDOORS. RAIN. A WOLF SNARLS.
LILY (CONT’D)
Should we try for the back door?
DOT
Who knows how long that’d take!
Distract the wolves while I free
our friend here!
LILY
Uh, what’ve I got in my pockets,
nothing but a pencil, shit. Hey
wolves, go fetch!
FX: TWO WOLVES YIP AND THEN RUN OFF. DISTANTLY, THE PENCIL
LANDS.
DOT
Okay, say goodbye, birdbrain!
FX: THE BIRD FLAPS AWKWARDLY OUT OF THE BOX.
DOT (CONT’D)
Happy trails!
FX: THE BIRD SINGS “ROCKIN ROBIN” AS IT DISAPPEARS INTO THE
STORM. THE FRONT DOOR SHUTS.
DOT (CONT’D)
Well, this is gonna be a fun one to
explain to the lodgers.
LILY
We should post a sign on the door.
DOT
Which door?
LILY
Every one we can find.
DOT
Sounds great. You can be in charge
of getting the marker and the
paper.
LILY
I think I might have some in here,
actually, behind the — oh no.
DOT
What?
LILY
I just remembered, when I left for
the hardware store? Marisol was
napping on the couch.
DOT
Welp, you know the drill.
LILY
Mom, before we go. Are you and
Russell Epstein okay?
DOT
We’re fine.
LILY
‘Cause something was definitely up
when I called you.
DOT
No, it was just — hopefully house
shit. There were two Russell
Epsteins for a sec. Not sure why I
had to freak out about that, it
really doesn’t sound too bad. Two
Russells, the possibilities...
LILY
Mom, I’m not listening to this.
DOT
Hey, it’s perfectly natural! Just a
woman and a man and that man’s
creepy house-made ghost.
LILY
So you accept that you were not
having an episode?
DOT
So it would seem. I guess even an
old house can pick up a new routine
once in a while.
LILY
Damn right.
DOT
Hopefully we’ve hit the ceiling on
weird, but: famous last words.
LILY
Hey Mom? I love you.
DOT
I love you too, Lily. Oh damn, now
the waterworks are gonna — the
leak! We still need to do something
about the leak in the attic.
LILY
Sure thing, after we find my
girlfriend.
DOT
At least we know the room doesn’t
change unless you completely shut
the door.
LILY
So we just leave every door open a
crack until this calms down?
DOT
Makes sense. Once we’ve found
Marisol, the three of us can start
making a map of how the rooms
connect up for now.
LILY
Good, yeah. We can send it to
everyone so they’ll have it on
their phones.
DOT
Problem solved.
LILY
Good as new.
DOT
(sighs)
LILY
What?
DOT
You were right, Lily. I can’t live
my whole life always asking myself
what’s real and not. That’s no way
to live.
LILY
It isn’t, no. That’s why you —
DOT
This place is getting weirder. It’s
getting weirder all the time and
I’ve spent so much of today going
back and forth, is this happening
or am I losing another chunk of my
mind. I can’t do this forever. I
just can’t. One more summer, and
then assisted living, where at
least if there’s a bird singing
Clair de Lune, it’ll be in my own
damn head.
LILY
Okay.
DOT
Okay?
LILY
Yeah. I’ll visit you all the time.
DOT
I know you will. Besides, it’s a
whole facility of people who
haven’t heard my dirty limericks
yet.
LILY
I’ll visit you all the time, and
I’ll say, “Never met this woman
before in my life, no idea who she
is, sorry.”
DOT
(snorts)
Think that’s my line.
LILY
Should we go rescue Marisol?
DOT
Sounds like a plan. One, two —
FX: A DOOR OPENS.