Unwell Season 4/Episode 10- Town Meetings
by Jim McDoniel
Who is on the inside?
Normal meeting protocol
Get what’s coming to you
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Content Advisories for this episode can be found here.
Support Unwell and HartLife NFP on Patreon at www.patreon.com/hartlifenfp
This episode features: Clarisa Cherie Rios as Lily, Pat King as Chester, Kat Hoil as Abbie, Marsha Harman as Dot, Amelia Bethel as Marisol, Krista D’Agostino as Hazel, Joshua K. Harris as Rudy, Corrbette Pasko as Maureen, Michael Turrentine as Wes, Sebastian H Orr as **$&#*$, Ele Matelan as &&@)@*&, Eleanor Hyde as Eugenia Hewitt, and Tina Daniels, Newt Schottelkotte, Bob Raymonda, Jeffrey Nils Gardner, Kris Kaiyala, Leeman Kessler, Kat Evans, and Sydney Penny as the Mt. Absalom townspeople.
Written by Jim McDoniel, sound design by Eli McIlveen, directed by June Thiele, theme music composed by Stephen Poon, recording engineer Mel Ruder, associate producer Ani Enghdahl, Theme performed by Stephen Poon, Lauren Kelly, Gunnar Jebsen, Travis Elfers, Mel Ruder, and Betsey Palmer, produced by haydée r. souffrant, Unwell lead sound designer Eli Hamada McIlveen, Executive Producers Eleanor Hyde and Jeffrey Nils Gardner, by HartLife NFP.
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SCENE 1
INT. FENWOOD HOUSE FRONT DOOR. EVENING.
DOT: (LOUD) Come on.
LILY: (OFF) I’m coming.
DOT: (LOUD) We’re going to be late.
FOOTSTEPS COMING DOWN THE STAIRS.
LILY: (OFF) It’s not a big deal. Town meetings never start on time.
DOT: (LOUD) I want to make sure we get seats. When people
freak out, the town hall fills up. The year Sean Ferguson’s
IBS started an e.coli celery scare, you couldn’t even get in
the building. People had to stand outside and shout through
windows.
FOOTSTEPS ARRIVING.
LILY: (OFF BUT APPROACHING) We’re not going to have to
stand outside.
DOT: Damn straight we’re not.
RATTLE OF METAL AND PLASTIC LAWN
FURNITURE.
LILY: Why do you have our old, janky lawn furniture?
DOT: If we can’t get seats, we bring our own.
LILY: Let me rephrase: why do you STILL have our old, janky lawn
furniture?
DOT: I’ll have you know this is the height of mid-90s outdoor
furnishings.
LILY: Brown and cream plastic slats your ass falls through.
DOT: Well, you can stand then.
DOT WALKS OVER TO THE STAIRS.
(LOUD) Come on! We’re leaving.
WES: I’m here.
LILY AND DOT: JEEZ!
WES: Sorry.
DOT: Wes, dear. You know how we said it was okay to just appear
and disappear…?
WES: Use the stairs?
DOT: Use the stairs. Is Abbie coming?
LILY: They said they were.
VERY LARGE PURSE BEING OPENED AND
RIFLED THROUGH. HA! TAKE THAT BEST.
DOT: Wes, here. Go and start the car.
WES: Can I drive the car?
LILY: Can you drive the car?
WES: I mean, I’d like to try.
DOT: Sure. Go nuts.
KEYS THROWN AND CAUGHT.
WES: Nice!
KEYS SNATCHED OUT OF A HAND.
LILY: I’ll give you a lesson. Tomorrow.
WES: Awww.
HEAVIER, SLOWER FOOTSTEPS ABOVE.
LILY: You’ve waited sixty-plus years. You can wait until it’s light
out.
THUMPING ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF THEM.
DOT: Abbie do you need a hand?
ABBIE: I’m fine.
DOT: Lily go and give them a hand.
WES: I’ll help.
DOT: That’s okay Wes. Just because you’re a ghost…
ABBIE, WES, LILY: He’s not a ghost.
DOT: …regardless, I don’t want you to think that we’re taking
advantage of you. Lily, what are you waiting for, a written
invitation? Get up there.
LILY: (SIGH)
LILY HANDS DOT THE KEYS AND WALKS UP THE
STAIRS. ABBIE IS STILL MAKING THEIR WAY
DOWN WITH A LARGE BOX.
ABBIE: Really, I can make it to the bottom of the stairs.
LILY: It’s fine. Here, I’ll get this side.
THEY EXERT THEMSELVES AS THEY LIFT THE
BOX AND HEAD DOWNSTAIRS.
How many books are in here?
ABBIE: Twelve.
LILY: Only twelve?
ABBIE: They’re reference books.
LILY: And you’re bringing them to the town meeting…[why]?
ABBIE: For reference.
WES: I’ll get the door.
FRONT DOOR OPENS.
DOT: What a gentleman.
LILY AND ABBIE REACH DOT.
LILY: And are you going to help?
DOT: I’ll get the other door.
BEEP OF A CAR CLICKER. BEEP BEEP FROM THE
CAR.
(GASP) (FANCY-LADY VOICE) What a lady.
Now get those rears in gear. We gotta go.
FOOTSTEPS OUT THE DOOR. DOOR CLOSES.
TRANSITION.
SCENE 2
INT. LILY’S CAR. EVENING.
THE CAR IS IN DRIVE.
DOT: I told you.
LILY: I can’t believe this.
DOT: I told you.
LILY: Not a single parking spot.
ABBIE: You can just drop me off in front.
LILY: Did everyone in town drive?
WES: Probably nobody wanted to walk. You know…with the
wolves and all.
ABBIE: Which means the only people who will be walking are us.
DOT: There! Parking spot.
LILY: Where?
CAR CHACHUNKS TO A STOP.
DOT: There.
LILY: I can’t fit into that space.
DOT: Sure you can.
LILY: Mom.
DOT: Think positively Lily and remember that predators like to go
for the old and sick and people carrying fifty-pound boxes.
CAR DRIVES FORWARD. STOPS. RIGHT TURN
SIGNAL CLICKS ON AND OFF.
LILY: (SIGH) Here goes.
LILY SHIFTS INTO REVERSE. CAR REVERSES
SLOWLY. BUMP INTO CAR.
LILY: (HISS) Okay.
LILY SHIFTS. DRIVES FORWARD. FORWARD.
FORWARD. BUMP.
Oof.
LILY SHIFTS. REVERSES. BUMP. SHIFTS
FORWARD. BUMP. SHIFTS. REVERSES. BUMP.
SHIFTS. FORWARD. BUMP. SHIFT INTO PARK.
DOT: And that Wes is how you parallel park.
LILY: How does it look?
ABBIE: You’re about a foot from the curb and the front end is sticking
out into the middle of the street.
DOT: Good enough, I’d say. Wolf check.
THE GANG SHIFTS AROUND IN THEIR SEATS.
ABBIE: Clear.
WES: I don’t see anything.
LILY: I think we’re fine.
DOT: One second.
DOT UNBUCKLES HER SEATBELT.
LILY: Mom, what are you doing?
THE DOOR OPENS.
LILY What are you doing!?
DOT: (TO LILY) Give me a second. (OUTSIDE THE CAR LOUD)
Hey wolf. Heeeeeey wolf.
SOUND OF A SMALL PLASTIC BAGGY OPENING.
You want the food. You want the food. (DOT GRUNTS WITH
EFFORT.)
Go get the food!
FAR OF SPLAT OF A JERKY STICK HITTING THE
GROUND. DOORS OPEN.
LILY: You know the town wolves won’t go for that, right?
DOT: Ah…but there might be some real wolves mixed in with the
town wolves. In which case, I just saved our lives.
DOOR CLOSES.
ABBIE: For the record, if these were normal wolves, feeding them
would be just about the worst thing to do.
LILY: Here, let me get the other side of the box.
SMALL SHUFFLING FOOTSTEPS AS LILY AND
ABBIE CARRY THE BOX.
ABBIE: It teaches them to associate the presence of humans with
food.
TRUNK CLOSES.
WES: I’ve got the lawn furniture.
WES CARRYING MULTIPLE PIECES OF LAWN
FURNITURE IS ADDED TO THE GROUP WALK
SOUNDSCAPE.
ABBIE: Most wolf attacks occur when wolves become acclimatized
to the presence of humans.
DOT THROWS MORE FOOD OFF INTO THE
DISTANCE.
DOT: What would you prefer I throw at them?
ABBIE: I have a can of bear mace in my laptop bag.
LILY: Abbie!
WES: Come on!
DOT: I am not macing a bunch of dogs.
ABBIE: Wolves. Not dogs, wolves. And conservationally speaking, it
is safer and more humane to scare them away than to feed
them.
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.
WES: Hey Marisol!
MARISOL: Hey all.
DOT: See. Marisol brought a chair too.
MARISOL: Just in case. Hey.
LILY: Hey.
AWKWARD SHUFFLE AND BOX SHIFTING.
MARISOL: Maybe wait to kiss me until you’re not carrying that anymore.
LILY: You’re probably right. (LOW) Actually would you mind
helping Abbie carry this in?
MARISOL: (LOW) Sure. Why?
LILY: (LOW) Across the street. Next to the Movie Knight.
MARISOL: What? (BEAT) Oh.
LILY: Yeah.
MARISOL: (LOW) Go. I’ve got this. (TO ABBIE) Okay Abbie, I’m
subbing in.
LILY AND MARISOL TRADE POSITIONS.
MARISOL: Guh. What the…Jesus.
ABBIE: Are you okay?
MARISOL: I’m fine. I’m fine. Lily made it look easy, is all.
LILY: I’ll buy you a beer later.
MARISOL: You will buy me a bottle of wine and drink it with me.
LILY: Deal. See you inside.
FOOTSTEPS WALKING AWAY FROM THE GROUP.
ABBIE: (OFF) Rather than make you walk backwards I suggest a
sideways shuffle.
MARISOL: (OFF) Works for me.
FOOTSTEPS CONTINUE DOWN THE STREET
THEN STOP. KNOCKING ON A CAR WINDOW.
LILY: Rudy.
RUDY: (D) Lily?
CAR WINDOW BEING LOWERED.
What a surprise. What are you doing here?
LILY: Heading into the town meeting. You?
RUDY: Oh. You know. The same.
LILY: Okay. So you’re not, say, hiding in your car until we go
inside…or anything.
RUDY: What? No. No. Maybe. A little. But I’m also hiding from the
wolves because…they are still…around here. Somewhere.
LILY: I don’t see any.
RUDY: They’re there. They’re always there. But I’m fine, Lily. It was
nice to see you. Again.
BUZZ OF THE WINDOW GOING UP.
LILY (SIGH)
KNOCK ON THE WINDOW. THE WINDOW GOES
DOWN.
RUDY: Yes?
LILY: Look Rudy, I know things have been… lately.
But…(EXHALES)…we’re still friends.
RUDY: Really?
LILY: (RELUCTANT) Yes. And if you need me to walk you into the
town hall…
RUDY: (INTERRUPTING) Oh…would you?
THE DOOR WINDOW GOES UP AND DOOR
OPENS. THE CAR SHUTS DOWN.
That would be great.
LILY: Come on. It’s only like twenty feet.
WOLF GROWLING.
LILY: Oh…uh…hello there.
A SECOND WOLF YIPS.
RUDY: See. I told you. They’re always there.
A THIRD AND FOURTH WOLF GROWL.
I don’t think they like me much.
LILY: It’s fine. It’s only like twenty feet.
THEY SLOWLY WALK. WE HEAR THE WOLVES
FOLLOWING THEM.
RUDY: I appreciate you were trying minimize the distance to make
me feel better.
LILY: You’re welcome
RUDY: It does seem much farther than it did a moment ago.
LILY: Yup.
RUDY: Much, much farther.
LILY: You can stop.
RUDY: Okay.
LILY: It’s fine. Everything’s fine. We’re both calm. Perfectly calm.
RUDY: This reminds me of the movie Balto. Not the actual movie
Balto. I never saw that. But I had a dream once about the
movie Balto where I was in a cabin in Alaska and a bunch of
wolves were outside gnawing their way in. And one of them
was Balto. Don’t ask me how I knew that, but I did. I kept
trying to push things up against the holes to keep them out
but eventually one of them pried loose the bricks in the
chimney. And when Balto got in, he started eating me…
That’s when I woke up.
LILY: That is not even a little what that movie’s about.
RUDY: Quick dash up the steps to the door?
LILY: Yep.
THEY RUN UP THE STEPS, OPEN THE DOOR,
AND DUCK INSIDE A VERY CROWDED SPACE.
LILY AND RUDY PANT AS A CROWD MILLS AND
MUTTERS AND WAITS.
RUDY: Looks like it’s a full house. Standing room only.
LILY: Unless you brought lawn furniture.
RUDY: Hmm?
LILY: Nothing. Never mind. Look, Rudy…I have to go find the
others and…uh…
RUDY: I understand. Back here suits me fine. I can people watch.
LILY: Yeah. Okay.
LILY STARTS TO MOVE AWAY.
RUDY: Oh…uh…tell Abbie I said hi.
LILY: Will do. (TO PEOPLE) Excuse me. Sorry.
LILY PUSHES THROUGH SOME PEOPLE.
(LOUD) Mom? Marisol?
MARISOL: (OFF) Lily, over here!
LILY: Sorry.
LILY PUSHES HER WAY THROUGH THE ROOM TO
WHERE MARISOL IS.
Hey.
MARISOL: Hey.
SMALL KISS?
LILY: You got seats.
MARISOL: Yeah. Lucky for us, Russel Epstein saved us a spot.
LILY: Thank God. I really hate that lawn furniture. Where’s Mom?
MARISOL: She’s up at the council table talking to Maureen…and
Russel.
LILY: Ooooo…what do you think their talking about?
MARISOL: His meats.
BEAT.
NO! No. Not like that.
LILY BURSTS INTO LAUGHTER.
(ALSO LAUGHING) I meant. Because he’s a grocer.
Like…salami and…
MARISOL CAN’T CONTINUE AS THIS STARTS A
NEW ROUND OF LAUGHTER BETWEEN THEM.
DOT’S FOOTSTEPS.
DOT: What are you two so giggly about?
LILY: (TRYING TO CONTAIN HERSELF) Nothing. Nothing.
MARISOL: (ALSO STIFLING LAUGHTER) How’s Russel?
DOT: He’s fine.
MARISOL AND LILY CONTINUE LAUGHING.
(TO ABBIE) Do you know what this is about?
ABBIE: I assumed it was relationship stuff and tuned it out.
WES WALKS UP.
WES: Dot, I did the water thing…Oh hey. What’s so funny?
MARISOL: Nothing.
LILY: It’s fine.
WES: No come on. I want to know.
MARISOL: (FINALLY COMING DOWN) You had to be there.
LILY: Uh…just so you’re all aware, Rudy’s here.
DOT: Where?
LILY: (LOOKING) In the…somewhere in the back.
MARISOL: Should we offer him a chair?
DOT: He is NOT using my fine lawn furniture.
LILY: Although it would be pretty funny…watching him try to
negotiate the give of the plastic tubing.
DOT: True…it…would be funny…
MARISOL: I think you just broke your mom’s brain…
GAVEL STRIKES.
MAUREEN: Would everybody please take their seats?
DOT: Too late. Darn.
THE CROWD QUIETS DOWN AND SETTLES INTO
SEATS.
MAUREEN: I officially call this meeting of the Mount Absalom Town
Council to order.
GAVEL.
Now I don’t need to tell you all why we’re here. So, let’s get
straight to business. Chester, if you would give us an update.
CHESTER: Yes, well…before I begin. I know we’re all…concerned about
what’s going on in Mount Absalom. I am as well. But I think it
is important, now more than ever, that we need to come
together in the spirit of community.
DOT: (LOW) Oh fuck me.
LILY: (LOW) What’s he talking about?
CHESTER: And so, I ask that we adhere to normal meeting protocol and
begin with the singing of the town anthem.
LILY: (LOW) He can’t be serious.
HAZEL: I second the motion.
MARISOL: They’re serious.
MAUREEN: Do we have any objections?
DOT STANDS.
DOT: Here.
MAUREEN: The chair recognizes Dot Harper.
DOT: I know we all love an anthem. But I’m an old lady and as
Chester pointed out at the last meeting, I’m losing my
marbles.
CHESTER: That…wasn’t me.
DOT: Oh right. Sorry. Mayor Lopez did that. Not Chester. Chester
had absolutely nothing to do with telling the whole town I
was going gaga. See how confused I’m getting. Anyway, the
sun’s down, it’s past my bedtime, and I don’t know how long
I’ll last. So why don’t we, just this once, skip the anthem so
we can all get home at a decent hour.
SPATTERED APPLAUSE.
MAUREEN: All those for skipping the anthem and getting down to
business.
CROWD: Aye.
MAUREEN: All opposed.
CHESTER: (OFF) Nay.
GAVEL.
MAUREEN: The ayes have it. Chester, your update.
CHESTER: (SIGH) I have been in communication with Mayor Lopez
since incident at the bottling works, keeping him apprised of
the situation.
LILY: God, is that guy ever here.
DOT and MARISOL: No.
CHESTER: He is currently in Columbus “wining and dining” the
lieutenant governor to get us emergency relief funds. His
words.
CROWD REACTS FAVORABLY.
DOT: Bet he’s loving it. A chance to show his skill under pressure.
MAUREEN: Do we have any word from the owners?
CHESTER: (CLEARS THROAT)
MAUREEN: Chester. Again.
CHESTER: I have been in communication with the Oglby-Stewarts as
the manager of the Mount Absalom Bank and Trust.
(PAUSE) It appears…they were unaware they still owned the
Celeric Bottling Works.
CROWD HUBUB.
LILY: How do you forget you own a celery soda factory?
DOT: You get so rich you move to Cleveland.
LILY and MARISOL: Must be nice. (BEAT) Jinx.
CHESTER: They…intimated…that they had no plans to rebuild the
business.
DRAMATIC CROWD NOISE. “WHAT?” “NO!” “THEY
CAN’T DO THAT!”
GAVEL STRIKES.
MAUREEN: What did they say exactly?
CHESTER: I…I would rather not…
MAUREEN: Chester.
CHESTER: (STEADYING BREATH) They…and these are their
words…not mine, mind you…they said, and I quote, “If we’d
known we still had that loser of a business on the books, we
would have sold it years ago.”
CROWD GASP.
End quote.
TOWNSPERSON: What does this mean for us?
HAZEL: It means…well, I think we can assume…and Chester, please
correct me if I’m wrong…but it sounds like they won’t be
reopening the Bottling Works.
CHESTER: That is the impression I got yes.
MORE ANXIOUS HUBBUB.
RUSSEL: Is it possible to convince them to just restore the plant and
then maybe find a new owner?
ANOTHER TOWNSPERSON: That’s right. We don’t have to bottle celery soda. We could
bottle all sorts of vegetable-based beverages.
THE CROWD AGREES.
CHESTER: It might have been possible…if the Oglby-Stewarts hadn’t let
the insurance policy on the business lapse. As it is, there is
no money to rebuild with. They are looking to offload the
property as soon as possible and wash their hands
of…well…us.
CROWD: That can’t happen!
What am I supposed to do?
They can’t do that.
CHESTER: I’m afraid to say they can.
MAUREEN: Is there anything we can do? As the town, I mean?
CHESTER: Uh…unfortunately, the town is in a fiscal hole owing to…the
elimination of certain, questionable revenue sources. And
many of the grants which previously had been available are
no longer as flush as they were, having been dedicated to
the renovation of the observatory which has had its
own…troubles.
CROWD GRUMBLES.
CHESTER: I just want to say…to all of you…as the Deputy Mayor,
Delphic Order treasurer, Mount Absalom Savings and Trust
manager, volunteer fire captain, and co-chair of the Mount
Absalom Farmers Market Association, we will…find a way
through this.
PERSON 1: (OFF) Easy for you to say, your job didn’t just blow up.
CHESTER: As long as we stay…together…this town, this community
can weather…any storm.
PERSON 2: (OFF) Then why did I see Lulu leaving town, yesterday.
CHESTER: She and Jamie are just…visiting her parents, his
grandparents. That’s all.
ABBIE: I think this is my cue.
ABBIE STANDS.
If I may?
MAUREEN: The chair recognizes Abbie Douglas.
ABBIE WALKS TO THE FRONT OF THE ROOM.
ABBIE: Thank you. As many of you know, I have been in Mount
Absalom working on my doctoral thesis dealing with
diagnosing and remedying the causes of small-town decay.
CROWD NOISE INCLUDING: “OH YEAH.” “IS THAT
WHAT THEY’RE DOING HERE?” “HEY, IT’S THE
CELERY FESTIVAL DJ!” “CELERY SPICY, CELERY
COOL.”
Losing a local provider of manufacturing jobs is common
and, quite frankly, rather basic when it comes to what I do,
but that also means it is well-documented and studied and
there are some practiced steps the town could take to
ameliorate the situation.
THUD OF LARGE BINDERS BEING SLAPPED
DOWN ONE BY ONE IN FRONT OF TOWN
COUNCIL MEMBERS.
ABBIE: I’ve put together a list of proposals which have been shown
to work in other communities. I will say…the key to many of
these ideas is supporting each other both as individuals, as
a community, as a town government, and as local financial
institutions.
Which is to say, as much as I hate to admit it, Chester…is
right…about working through this together. He’s wrong about
so much else…so much…but about this…he’s right.
CHESTER: Thank you?
PROPRIETOR: Hear, hear!
THE ROOM GOES SILENT.
As the proprietor of a local business, I would just like to voice
my commitment to this community and applaud the laudable
efforts of…Abbie Douglas. And though my establishment,
like the lamentable Bottling Works, currently sits empty, it will
reopen. Soon. And I will not hesitate to provide the
assistance the…fine…people of this town so
rightly…deserve. We…will not be going anywhere.
AWKWARD APPLAUSE.
PROPRIETOR Thank you. Thank you.
MAUREEN: No…uh…thank you sir, for that…thank you. Abbie, you were
saying…
ABBIE’S BREATHING IS LOUD AS THEY TRY TO
PREVENT A PANIC ATTACK.
ABBIE: I…Um…Everything is in these binders. I can also provide
PDFs. That’s all for now. Excuse me.
ABBIE QUICKLY LEAVES THE HALL.
MAUREEN: Okay. Thank you, Abbie Douglas. It looks like we have a lot
of reading ahead of us. Anyone else…
LILY: (TO MARISOL) I better go check on them.
MARISOL: (LOW) Okay.
DOT: (LOW) Here.
A PLASTIC BAGGY IS HANDED OVER.
DOT: (LOW) For the wolves.
LILY STARTS MOVING TO THE BACK OF THE
HALL. WE FOLLOW HER AS THE OTHER VOICES
GROW MORE DISTANT.
MAUREEN: Yes, Eugenia Hewitt.
EUGENIA: Is there any word on the wolf problem in downtown? I can’t
sleep at night worrying that one of them is going to attack
Lord Tumsby, Lady MacB, and Popple.
MAUREEN: Yes…let’s get an update on our canid conundrum. Sheriff
Joshi?
WAITRESS: Aaaaaaaaabie.
LILY STOPS.
LILY: I’m sorry. What?
WAITRESS: Abbie. From Hunter’s. They worked there.
LILY: Yes.
RUSTLE OF A PAPER/PLASTIC ENVELOPE.
WAITRESS: They have this coming to them. For their last week.
LILY: Ah. I’ll make sure they get it.
WAITRESS: (LOW) Coming to them.
DOT: Got it. Excuse me.
LILY MOVES PAST.
PROPRIETOR: Oh, and if you could let them know, when we reopen, we
would love to have them back. There will always be a place
waiting for them at Hunter’s.
LILY: I’ll let them know.
LILY MOVES PAST. THE DOOR OPENS AS RUDY
COMES IN FROM OUTSIDE.
Rudy?
RUDY: It’s okay. They’re okay. They said just need a minute to
collect themselves and they’ll be right as rain.
LILY: Abbie said that?
RUDY: Well not the right as rain part. That was me. But the rest of
it…yeah. (PAUSE) That was…
LILY: It certainly was.
RUDY: Am I right to assume the Hunter’s people are…
LILY: …with Silas? Yeah. We’re pretty sure about that.
RUDY: In which case, that was a message. To us. Well to us, but
also to US. All of us. The town.
LILY: He’s not going anywhere. (PAUSE) You talked
before…about…dealing…with Silas.
RUDY: I did. Yes, I did.
LILY: What did you have in mind?
OUTRO MUSIC. END.